Most married couples have activities that they do together and some that they do on their own. While it is good to have hobbies, couples’ counselor Dr. Harley, with Marriage Builders, argues that we should share our enjoyable activities with our partner. This would include escapes away from the day to day life of jobs, kids and other things that can be stressful. It is logical that the more time spent together doing enjoyable activities will increase your enjoyment of each other.
Spending time enjoying each other is the cake.
When you and your husband were dating, you spent almost all of your recreational time with each other. That’s one of the reasons you fell in love with each other. And you married because you were in love.
But after marriage, especially after children arrive, it becomes increasingly difficult for most couples to arrange their recreational time together. You probably followed the common strategy of new parents which is for one parent to stay home with the children while the other escapes from it all.
Marriage, and raising children, can force a husband and wife to be together when they are unhappy, because they become partners in situations that are stressful. So after having children, it’s even more important for them to spend their most enjoyable time with each other, than it was when they were dating. They need to compensate for the stressful time they spend with each other raising their children by taking time to escape together.
Sadly, most people do not understand this important principle until it’s too late. When you lose your love for each other, then you don’t want to be with each other at all. Things go from bad to worse in a deteriorating marriage, because the solution to the problem, having your most enjoyable time with each other, is intentionally avoided. When you are out of love, you would rather be with anyone than with each other.
Right now, you want to spend your leisure time with your husband, but if he continues to exclude you from his favorite recreational activities, you will eventually exclude him from yours. Sooner or later, you won’t want to be with him because you will have much more fun without him.
Don’t wait until that happens to you. While you are still in love, plan to spend your most enjoyable time with each other because your love for each other is one of the most important things you have in life.
It is logical that with more time spent together doing enjoyable activities, there be will increased enjoyment of your partner. So follow the good doctor’s advice and take up activities that you can do together, including sports, date nights, weekend getaways and more. Always remember that while love is the cake, romance is the icing, and we can all use a bit of icing.
