First Dates: 10 DO and DON’T Rules for Guys
This is our first of three posts on first dates, which will run through to Saturday. These will arm you with what to do and not to do on a first date, 28 fun first dates activity ideas and a list of 40 progressive questions to use throughout the date. We hope this little series will charge your first date batteries and get you prepared for Saturday night!
What do women expect from men on a first date? When a guy is trying to make a good first impression there are some ways to put one’s best foot forward and others to totally blow it. The first 30 minutes of a date will probably set the tone, whether she’s intrigued enough to finish the date and possibly consider a second, or if she’s thinking up ways to get out of dessert and head home. First we will cover the DO’s that will get your date off to a great start.
1. DO be punctual
Being late for a first date sends the signal that you don’t care and 96% of women surveyed found this to be a deal breaker. Set six alarms if that is what you need, but make every effort to be at the venue early. Women would always like to make an entrance, give her that chance. Also if you are going for a meal, it is polite for you to have sorted out the table arrangements and if applicable let the waiter know to bring you the bill to avoid awkwardness at the end of the meal.
2. DO compliment your date on her appearance
For first dates you have both hopefully spruced up and put on decent clothes appropriate for the venue and activity. A tux is great for a gala dinner, but not for coffee at the local diner. Women will generally put a lot of effort into their hair, clothes and make-up for a first date. Acknowledge her efforts with a compliment. If there is honestly nothing you specifically find to compliment there is always a general “you look lovely.”
3. DO ask her loads of questions
While this is not a drill session or an interview per se, this is a time to see what she is like, what her interests are and an opportunity to see what you have in common. It will also make your take much more comfortable if she sees that you are genuinely interested in her. From the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Wise words in the dating world as well.
4. DO help with your date’s coat, open doors for her and pull out her chair
Chivalry is fair from dead. These are the little ways you can show you have respect for her as a lady, while showing her that you know how to behave like a gentleman. Whilst small steps have been made toward gender equality, good manners still dictate that real men know how to treat women properly. Especially on the first date.
5. DO smell as good as you look
Proper grooming is a given to make a good first impression and smelling nice is part a big part of your pre-date preparations. However, that doesn’t mean dousing yourself in AXE. My dear old grandmother used to say if you can really smell perfume, you’ve used too much. Just clean up and a wee bit of quality cologne will do the trick nicely. This also lets her know you put some effort into your grooming.
While nobody can predict the outcome of two people getting to know each other in a first date situation, those five tips will get you off to a good start. So what are the things that men do which sabotage a potentially good date? Following are five big DON’Ts from Maxim:
1. DON’T talk about your ex on the first date
During a first date, you are trying to get to know that person better and the first date is essentially an introductory period to see if you may have an interest or a sexual chemistry with one another. The last thing a girl wants hear is how you and your ex-girlfriend got along or a dissertation on a previous relationship. If she asks, respond with a short, sweet and to the point explanation and introduce a new topic of conversation.2. DON’T come on too strong on the first date
Being polite and gentlemanly goes along way and there is nothing wrong with pulling the chair out for your date or opening a car door. It’s the little things that women appreciate the most. Being assertive is great, but coming on to strong can be a real turn off to women as well. Inappropriate sexual remarks should be avoided at all costs, as well as demeaning jokes or commentary. Since this is your first date, it’s best not to get to touchy feely and invade your date’s personal space.
3. DON’T bring a wing man along on the first date
You’ve probably been down that road before where you feel you need to bring a friend along on your date for support, but the truth is you’ll most likely have a more successful date by leaving your wing man at home. It’s a lot easier to get your date talking if you’re alone with her. Another thing to consider is your date’s focus. You don’t want her chatting up your good looking friend while you’re sitting there trying to intervene in order to get to know her. Your wing man could just become another obstacle on the road to scoring with a lady.
4. DON’T act like you’re into yourself on the first date (or Ever!)
During your date, avoid talking about yourself to much. You don’t want to come off as a person who is narcissistic, shallow or self-centred. You want to sell yourself in a way that says “Take me off the market because I’m worth it” and not reciting a chronological list of your boring accomplishments across the table.
Prior to your date, think about three or four thought out questions that could do a good job in filling in any awkward voids during the date where the conversation may have stalled. Listening to your date and asking thoughtful questions will get you closer to launching a good rapport or future relationship with someone.
5. DON’T use your cell phone or constantly text on the first date
We all know there are times when you need your cell phone when you are out, just try not to exclusively access it during your date. If you have your nose in your phone the whole time or are texting during the date, you might appear as if you are bored or disinterested. Plus, it’s just common courtesy to show the person you are out with your attention when they are speaking.
So there you have the best ammunition to go forth and make your next first date the best it can be. Of course you could take it one further step and have flowers delivered to her at work on the day of the date, the ultimate ice-breaker. Tomorrow and the next day we’ll be posting on the top 28 ideas of unique activities you can do on a first date and 40 great questions to use throughout your first date. This three-post ‘first date’ special will leave her thinking you are Mr. Special, locking in that good night kiss and putting you one step closure to date number two. Because as Billy Holiday wisely said “A kiss that is never tasted is forever and ever wasted.”
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