I have a Girlfriend…really, I do!

A girlfriend. I always wanted one, I just didn’t know how to get one. I asked my friends (who all seemed to have girlfriends), and they told me just to ask someone out. But they didn’t understand that I wanted a girlfriend, not just a girl who was a friend. I wanted to go steady, as my Grandma would say. The problem is that girls travel in packs. Whenever I saw a likely candidate for my affection she would always be with her friends. Even if I received a glance or (be still my beating heart) a smile, I never got the chance to say “hi.” I would day dream about finding ‘her,’ imagining texting her constantly, going on dates, sending her flowers. I’d be a good boyfriend if someone would just give me the chance. But it was hopeless, I was doomed to be alone.Then it happened. I ran into her. Literally bumped into her while running to catch a bus. Her bag went flying and I stopped to help pick up the scattered contents. Somehow we ended up going for coffee and arranged a date. We had so much to talk and laugh about on that date. By the end of the evening we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Just like that.

It’s been six months and I still have a girlfriend. No one warned me that she will say she doesn’t need a jacket, then borrow my sweatshirt half way through our date because she is cold. Three times, three different sweatshirts (as yet not returned). No one told me she would say she isn’t hungry then eat half my fries after dousing them in ketchup. I hate that (I’m a dipper not a douser). Don’t get me started on her attempts to change my wardrobe (there’s nothing wrong with that t-shirt, it only has a few holes in it), or my hair (the cut is actually cool, but not sold on gel). Just when I think the bachelor life might be for me after all, she looks at me and smiles, telling me how sexy I look with my new shirt and haircut. She tells me how much she likes wearing my sweatshirts because they help her feel close to me, even when we aren’t together. Sigh. I feel like a million dollars when I’m with her, or even think about her. Did I mention I have a girlfriend? She’s awesome.


Editors note: this post from guest writer Irwin thrills us (frankly, we were worried about him!). Plus it comes just ahead of National Girlfriends Day, Saturday, 1 August. If you’re lucky enough to have one, show her you care!